I have realized that life is moving along so quickly that even though I mean to, I forget to stop, think and reflect. If I "stop" it's always to check my phone or to read a snippet of something online, or to use the bathroom. Even though I love social media and the Internet and my Samsung Galaxy S3 smartphone, I get annoyed sometimes because all of these things are just one huge distraction from a simple lifestyle. I love being in touch with friends via Instagram or Facebook, I love "following" my friends on Pinterest, and I love reading snippets of news, looking at videos on YouTube and keeping up with the times in these ways, but sometimes when I feel like something is missing in my life, I realize that what's missing is really something that is lost and needs to be found again. It is living in the moment, putting aside media, using the time I'm cooking dinner for thinking about myself and my day, and writing in a paper journal. All of these things add up to not only simplicity, but to so much more, too.
Back in the day when I was a teenager, I LOVED and I mean loooooved the show 7th Heaven. It's about a minister and his wife and their family of 7 children and it's really just about the ups and downs of life, and the highs and lows of being a minister's family. Now, this minister's name is Eric Camden. Let me tell you not about Eric though, but about his close-to-perfect wife, Annie. (Bear with me here even if you think i'm cheesy, like my hubby always says I am when I talk about this show!). Annie is always dressed nicely, and always, always modestly. She wears dress pants with a blouse and a long sweater very frequently...but other days, she chooses a comfy dress or a skirt/blouse combo. To church, she usually wears a suit. (After all, everyone is watching the minister's wife at all times!) She's always wearing her make-up and her hair is always neatly combed. Now. Annie is pretty much the perfect house wife. She loves to cook and she always has a freshly baked good ready made for her kids upon their return from school. Her kitchen is perfectly clean at the end of the night, and she has her kids help with chores. Her dinners are delectable and rarely does she call out for a pizza. The thing about Annie though, is that she loves her job and being at home, doing laundry and all those endless housework chores. She truly makes it all look so easy, but still manages to tend to her 5 and then 7 (after she births twins) children, and her extremely busy minister of a husband. (But look, Annie sometimes cooks with Campbell soup ;-))
Ok, so growing up I wanted to be Annie Camden. The minute I met my husband and knew I wanted to marry him, I dreamed that we'd be the Eric and Annie Camden of the Serbian Orthodox Church...we'd have this big and beautiful parish house, we'd have so many children, and most importantly, I would make my husband lunch every day and then a yummy, well-thought out, beautiful dinner for the whole family every evening. And of course, I'd have these beautiful cakes and cookies ready for my family to enjoy all the time. Let's not forget to mention, I'd always have modest but beautiful outfits with my hair and makeup perfect (and lipstick, too!!)
*****
Well, let me tell you, five years in to this whole housewife thing, and 3.5 years into mamahood and I am sad to report that I have failed to be Annie Camden Jr. It's sad but it's true. Now, the comforting thing about this is that indeed, 7th Heaven is a TV show and TV shows are very rarely completely realistic. Secondly, we are a priest's family, but we're not yet on a parish, so my life is very different than the Camden's life. Third, I am still developing my motivation and my love for housework, and I have no real energy in me to be this rockstar Mama who has it all together. And I know I never really will have it ALL together, because I'm never going to be perfect. God made it that way for a reason, and that's what I have to remember. (By the way, Annie also had her less-than-perfect moments ;-)). My husband has always teased me that I will never be Annie Camden because she's an unrealistic, movie housewife and that I should know better than to be aspiring to be her, but I can dream...right? :) It's the idea of her role that I admire more than the actual unrealistic character of her.
The point here is, that it's not about being perfect but about trying my best (and you trying your best)! It's easy to make excuses. From being exhausted (the eternal excuse) to being overwhelmed (what Mama isn't overwhelmed though?!) to having inner temptations (like no one else has those?), it's easy to find ways to justify myself and "just get through the day" sometimes, without being fully present, but distracted instead. And I don't mean to sound like I or any other mom should always be super mom, because no mom is. What's important is that I be the mom that I want my kids to remember - the mom that is always there when they need her. To be less selfish and more selfless..but it takes a while to get there (if ever it's the right balance).
Disclaimer: I do think that Mamas need time to unwind, they need time to destress, think, etc WITHOUT their children around. So I am going to write into my calendar 2 days of the month that I can get to do this and that my hubby will stay with the kids for to give me this time.
BTW: I own the entire set of 7th Heaven, and I think I'll start re-watching the series tonight :)
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