I just stopped amidst an extremely hectic day to down a cup of coffee, get myself a cup filled to the brim with iced water, and sit down as fast as possible. Finally, one possible minute of quiet while the older kids are napping and the 3rd baby is playing quietly in her bed. Today has been one of those "how do all the mothers out there do it?" kind of days. I'm exhausted, which is no different from any other day, but this time, I feel ready to collapse into a pile on the floor.
It's frustrating when you have endless piles of laundry to wash, fold and put away and dishes that never seem to stop coming on, and these are just minimal household duties that seem to take an entire day to take care of...or in the case of this entire week, a day goes by and they are still not completed. It's at this point that I stop myself and ask, am I doing my best today? If the answer is yes, I take it and accept it. If my answer is no, I try to solve the problem by stepping up my game, stop being distracted by other things, and try again.
If I stop to think in these crazy, hectic moments, as I scoop myself a bowl full of ice cream topped with M&M's, pecans and whipped cream (because finally, all 3 babies are asleep for their naps!) I realize that it's a moment like this in which I need God the most. It's these in-the-trenches moments that are sent to Mamas like myself to remind us that we need God to be a part of absolutely every task we set out to complete. If I just breathe through the Jesus Prayer a few times, everything feels better and I am reminded that it will be ok, and that i'm not a superhuman (nor should I try to be one). For sure, I'm not the first and certainly not the last mama out there who is struggling to just get through her daily routine with her little ones.
Most importantly, I find it hard not to complain on days like today. "It's too hard." "I miss college days." "When will I ever get a break?" I say things like this over and over again...and I really feel guilty each time because yes, it's hard, but it could always be harder. My babies are healthy and so am I, and if it's not hard, I'll never really feel a reward in life.
Speaking of rewards...my husband loves to remind me that patience pays off and brings unexpected gifts. Well, just a few minutes ago, he texted me that one of his meetings today got cancelled, so he'll be able to come home and spend some time helping me in my difficult day. :) YAY!
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